Drowning in His sea of love.

Yesterday, praying with my beautiful wife while taking communion, the following picture came to my mind.

It was the picture of a person clinging desperately to a piece of driftwood, trying not to get lost and drown in a vast body of water.

It looked sort of like when Leonardo DeCaprio was clinging to the door or whatever right before he drowned in "The Titanic".

Then Paul's prayer in Ephesians came to my mind: 

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (Ephesians 3:16-18 NIV)

It was like the person was clinging to the driftwood struggling to not drown in a sea of love. 

The driftwood being guilt and shame.

How often do the lies of guilt and shame keep us from truly experiencing the love of Jesus, the love of our Abba, and the truly transforming love and power of the Holy Spirit? Often, I have begun to realize, I'm so used to listening to guilting, shaming, "you're not good enough," sort of voices, that I confuse the voice of our loving Lord with them... I sometimes mistake te lies for the truth.

To let go of this driftwood, honestly its more like a raft made out of driftwood for me, would feel like letting go of something that has been keeping me afloat... and I'm afraid that I would be lost without it, and that I would drown.

And I think that is exactly what Jesus is inviting me into... drowning in his infinite love. There is no guilt, there is no shame, there is no condemnation, no voices telling me I screwed up again, that I'll never be good enough... there is love, kindness, peace, joy, patience... there will be times that are hard, and as I begin to become more in tune with Jesus I will see things in myself that are not the way they are supposed to be, but, even then, there will be no guilt or shame, just an invitation into truth and wholeness and oneness with my loving Lord.

So I pray that Jesus would help me to let go. That he would help me to see the lies, to see where I am clinging to something dead that is keeping me from true life. I pray that I would see that guilt and shame can be left at the cross, and that I can be swallowed up by true love... by true life in Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior. 

Come Lord Jesus, come.

Peace.

Have enough faith to accept you may have doubts.

Faith and doubt are often thought of as opposites. It seems that these two couldn't exist together in harmony... but I really think they can, even that they should.

I have believed that there is a God, and that this God is powerfully active ever sense I can remember. I have known that God is powerful, all knowing, always present, and always active for most of my life... but since I have really started looking into some of my experiences and how they relate to the things I have always claimed to believe, doubt has been discovered.

Growing up I thought it was a sin to doubt. Sunday school teachers weren't really a fan of some of the questions I would ask, and then, as I got older, I watched as youth pastors and even pastors would react negatively to other people asking certain questions... I often heard, "You just got to believe," or "Just have faith, don't doubt."

But does our doubt really hurt God? If God is who he says he is, wouldn't he welcome our doubts and our questions? If we go to him with doubt, wouldn't we get to know him more?

I've started thinking that the more I fear and run from my doubt, the smaller God becomes, and the more I accept and lean into God WITH my doubt, the bigger HE becomes.

Doubt seems to actually come to the surface in a person truly wanting to know God in a deeper way. Blind faith is more a product of a person just accepting something and then never really wanting to go deeper, or even know more about it.

David questioned God often, Job questioned God and even though we are often told that God responded in a way that we would translate as "disappointed" or "harsh," Job came to know God more from it, and trusted God in a way that made his previous trust seem juvenile... honestly, it seems that God rewarded Job for being honest. Even Thomas, "doubting Thomas" was embraced by Jesus, and lovingly invited to touch the scars and see that Jesus was really alive... he was loved, not shamed.

I have watched people struggle with doubt.

I have watched teenagers be told simply to believe and never question, only to have their faith destroyed in college by a professor that makes some really good arguments against the existence of a loving God because they have been told to repress their own questions and doubts. I think this is a shame!

We shouldn't run from doubt, and we REALLY shouldn't shame people for asking questions we cannot answer, or questions that have made the church feel uneasy. If God is who he says he is, none of this will change him, and he is big enough for all our questions and doubts!

So I think we should have enough faith accept doubt.

If we truly believe God is who the Bible says he is, then we have noting to fear of our doubts... he can handle it. He is so far beyond us that to pretend we don't have any questions, or doubts, would seem to make him more like us, not a God who's ways are above our ways.

So I pray that I would accept my doubt, that I would be honest with myself, with God, and with others about it. I pray that I would ask questions, and then trust that God is big enough to answer them... but that he might not... I pray that I would be open to others' doubts, not shaming, and that I would help them take them to God in trust. I pray that God would give me people in my life, and yours, that can help us honestly look at out doubts, and discover truth.

The truth is that God is real, he is much bigger than our imagination can fathom. His way don't always make sense to us, but he is alright with us questioning them... and HE LOVES US LIKE WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND, not ignoring our doubts, but knowing them, and knowing us completely.

So have enough faith to accept that you have some doubt, and then go to God with it. He may not answer it, and there may be a little doubt in you for the rest of your life, but that's OK, ask God to help you trust HIM more, believe HIM more, love HIM more, and help you know HIM more, and soon those doubts wont seem as scary as they once did.

Peace.

Don't Fit In

This is my daughter Hazel. 

She is amazing, smart, beautiful, energetic, funny, unique, strong willed, passionate, compassionate, sweet, caring, dramatic, emotional, observant, and a wonderful wonderful little person.

When my wife was pregnant I remember praying, over and over again, that God would help our daughter to be confident in who she was, that she would not conform to what others thought she should be, that she would question what people told her to believe, and that she would be her own person... little did I know what this would look like while she was growing up.

For those of you who have kids that are truly individuals, you know what I am talking about. Its not really something that is honestly celebrated very often. 

People, well intentioned as some of them may be, are quick to put labels on things that don't fit the mold we have created for them, and they are often not true.

Hazel can be difficult. She isn't the most "obedient" child, and she is anything but mellow... and it can be really frustrating at times... but I can't help but think the things that make her frustrating now will be incredible strengths when she is older.

Today when we dropped her off at preschool we were given some test results from some sort of standardized test to see how ready for kindergarden she is... and as I read the results I felt my defenses kicking into gear.

But why?

Why do I feel I need to defend her, why do I feel I need to defend myself? Hazel is not standard, she doesn't fit nice and neatly into the boxes that people have made for kids her age... I started to realize that I have an opportunity to come alongside our loving Father, and love Hazel as she is, not trying to get her to conform, but loving her, alongside God, into her true self... a self that is unlike anyone else.

The deep belief that we should fit into boxes is a lie... and deep down we all know it. None of the people that made this planet better fit into boxes, they were all people who broke molds. From King David all the way to Matin Luther (both of them)... they didn't fit the mold.

But we want to be able to control things, we want to be comfortable, we want to know what we should expect... and so we label and try to get people to conform.

I have felt this pressure my whole life, and because I have always felt like I didn't "fit in" I have carried a burden of shame and failure. This feeling isn't so conscious anymore, but under the surface. There is a constant whisper telling me I am not "good enough", that I am not "like them" and that I will never "belong." 

I got this from every system I was a part of growing up, school, the church, different sports teams, even my family to some degree.

Churches can be big time culprits of promoting conformity. We can be so quick to tell people that God loves them unconditionally, but as soon as they accept this and ask to be part of our family we give them the box they must now try to live the rest of their life in. We tell them how they should now think, act, believe, talk, walk, dress, sing... we tell them what they should like, how they should have fun, and even what kind of emotions they should have.

Honestly, I think we may be promoting something that looks much more like conformity than adoption.

Last week I heard Chap Clark talk about how when a family really adopts a person, the whole family changes to make room for the new person. How there is a mutual transformation that takes place, and neither are the same after. The family changes to allow the new person to become a part, and the new person also changes as they truly become a member of the family.

This is Jesus' invitation. An invitation to be adopted into the family of God. It is not an invitation to conform, but an invitation to be who we truly are, who God made us to be... it is only in our true identity that we can really serve the purpose God has for us as a part of his loving family.

So my prayer is that I would love Hazel, that I would be patient with her, and love her into her true self, not try to get her to construct some sort of false self that is easier to handle. I pray that God would give me wisdom in helping her to learn and grow and mature.

I also pray that I would love myself. I pray that I would accept my whole self, and join God in the love he has for who I really am. I pray that my love for others would flow out of that fully accepting love for myself (that is the second most important commandment, is it not?). I pray that as I come to join God in this love, that I would trust Him more, that I would let go of my false selves more, and that I would come to be more and more like Jesus, who fully knew and loved himself, and fully knew and loved his Abba.

I also pray that I would start seeing the boxes I keep trying to crawl into, the boxes I keep trying to get others to crawl into, and that I would trust that life is not meant to be lived in a box (cage).

Peace.

Jesus asked me to dance with him...

I've been thinking about "withness" a lot lately. Am I with people very often? Am I with God very often?

I don't mean in terms of accepting the same general space physically, but intimately, being together, vulnerable and truly with another.

This idea has been haunting me lately. I was raised to be independent, strong, a leader. Independence was next to godliness, and being a leader was the most Christlike thing to be... but now I think that's all bull.

Life is about following, not leading. We are to follow Jesus, who was a follower himself. Over and over again Jesus said that he could only do what he saw his Father doing, and only what his Father told him to do.

Jesus was a wonderful follower... am I?

As I've been reflecting on my job with Young Life, and starting a new ministry in Ladera Ranch, I've gotten the feeling that I am being invited to participate in something that is already happening. I'm not actually starting anything.

The music is already going.

People are moving to the rhythm.

And now, Jesus has come over, grabbed me, and asked me to dance this dance.

This image hit me square in the face, and resonated deep in my heart. It brings tears to my eyes and excitement to my body. Jesus, the one who the dance is for, has asked me to dance with him!

When a person dances with another they are close, it's not a side by side sort of thing, or even a next to each other sort of thing, they are with each other. There is a vulnerability involved, especially from the one following. In giving yourself to the one leading the dance you are trusting they know what they are doing and intentionally not acting on your own impulses to take charge.

What a wonderful picture of life with God!

So, my prayer is not that I would do things for God. Not that I would lead others, or do some great ministry deal, or even be known as a strong person of the LORD, but that I would dance. That I would be known for simply being involved in a beautiful dance with my Maker, the lover of my soul, the one who knows me perfectly and loves me perfectly. 

I want to be known for being lost in this dance with Jesus, trusting that he knows the tune and the steps far better than I, and that his incredible love for me will keep him from ever dropping me or leading me astray.

I don't want to do, I want to dance.

Jesus asked me to dance, and trembling, I said yes... I pray that this becomes a posture of life for me.

Peace.

Spiritual salt scrub

For the last 9 days I have been at a traing deal for new Young Life staff people. It's been wonderful and I am incredibly thankful that God has called me back into his ministry to kids through Young Life.

At the hotel there is a bathroom with a "complementary hand massage." It's just a bowl with some green colored salt. The instruction say to wet your hands, scoop a small amount of salt into your hands, rub them together for "at least a minute," then rinse.

Let me tell you, this process does not really feel all that great. The salt actually kinda hurts. It's sort of like rubbing sand paper on your hands. It feels like you are scraping off the top layer of your skin... and that's actually exactly what you are doing.

It hurts a little.

Looking back over my life, particularly the last 7 years since I stopped doing Young Life and now find myself back in it, I can see how God has been doing this in my life.

The purpose of scraping off the top layer of skin is to uncover the new skin underneath. The soft, fresh, rejuvenated skin waiting to be released... and it feels wonderful! 

Honestly my hands have never felt so lovely.

The dead skin is gone and the new skin is out ready to experience the world!

Isn't this a great picture of spiritual transformation?

It might hurt. It might not feel, initially, and during the actual process, the way we thought, or the way we hoped. It may feel like we are being scraped and ground up and like we are being stripped of everything we thought we were... but the new skin, the self (which isn't new at all, but just been covered up by old life residue) is so much better than the old. 

It reflects Christ in you much clearer than before. 

You will feel this, you will know Christ in a new more real way, and others will notice it too!

The best thing about this... it will be honest. It won't be you trying to be a certain way, but it will be you truly being you.

So, don't run and hide from the salt scrub, even if it hurts... it's so good for you, and it's a gift from God to help you live more fully in his love.

Peace.