Faith and doubt are often thought of as opposites. It seems that these two couldn't exist together in harmony... but I really think they can, even that they should.
I have believed that there is a God, and that this God is powerfully active ever sense I can remember. I have known that God is powerful, all knowing, always present, and always active for most of my life... but since I have really started looking into some of my experiences and how they relate to the things I have always claimed to believe, doubt has been discovered.
Growing up I thought it was a sin to doubt. Sunday school teachers weren't really a fan of some of the questions I would ask, and then, as I got older, I watched as youth pastors and even pastors would react negatively to other people asking certain questions... I often heard, "You just got to believe," or "Just have faith, don't doubt."
But does our doubt really hurt God? If God is who he says he is, wouldn't he welcome our doubts and our questions? If we go to him with doubt, wouldn't we get to know him more?
I've started thinking that the more I fear and run from my doubt, the smaller God becomes, and the more I accept and lean into God WITH my doubt, the bigger HE becomes.
Doubt seems to actually come to the surface in a person truly wanting to know God in a deeper way. Blind faith is more a product of a person just accepting something and then never really wanting to go deeper, or even know more about it.
David questioned God often, Job questioned God and even though we are often told that God responded in a way that we would translate as "disappointed" or "harsh," Job came to know God more from it, and trusted God in a way that made his previous trust seem juvenile... honestly, it seems that God rewarded Job for being honest. Even Thomas, "doubting Thomas" was embraced by Jesus, and lovingly invited to touch the scars and see that Jesus was really alive... he was loved, not shamed.
I have watched people struggle with doubt.
I have watched teenagers be told simply to believe and never question, only to have their faith destroyed in college by a professor that makes some really good arguments against the existence of a loving God because they have been told to repress their own questions and doubts. I think this is a shame!
We shouldn't run from doubt, and we REALLY shouldn't shame people for asking questions we cannot answer, or questions that have made the church feel uneasy. If God is who he says he is, none of this will change him, and he is big enough for all our questions and doubts!
So I think we should have enough faith accept doubt.
If we truly believe God is who the Bible says he is, then we have noting to fear of our doubts... he can handle it. He is so far beyond us that to pretend we don't have any questions, or doubts, would seem to make him more like us, not a God who's ways are above our ways.
So I pray that I would accept my doubt, that I would be honest with myself, with God, and with others about it. I pray that I would ask questions, and then trust that God is big enough to answer them... but that he might not... I pray that I would be open to others' doubts, not shaming, and that I would help them take them to God in trust. I pray that God would give me people in my life, and yours, that can help us honestly look at out doubts, and discover truth.
The truth is that God is real, he is much bigger than our imagination can fathom. His way don't always make sense to us, but he is alright with us questioning them... and HE LOVES US LIKE WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND, not ignoring our doubts, but knowing them, and knowing us completely.
So have enough faith to accept that you have some doubt, and then go to God with it. He may not answer it, and there may be a little doubt in you for the rest of your life, but that's OK, ask God to help you trust HIM more, believe HIM more, love HIM more, and help you know HIM more, and soon those doubts wont seem as scary as they once did.
Peace.
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