Do I need a savior... really?

Recently I had a conversation with someone about sin. I was talking about how deeply sinful I am, and how I can't do anything to change that.

They passionately disagreed.

It's made me really think and pray about this though.

If I can change my sinful way of living on my own, then do I really need a savior? Did Jesus really need to come to earth, live a truly human life, and then die a truly terrible death? 

If I can change on my own, do I really need the Holy Spirit? Do I need to depend on God? Is grace really that big of a deal at all?

I am utterly convinced that no matter how hard I try, I cannot stop being sinful, because sin is about so much more than behavior.

Sin is about me taking charge of my life, my situations, my problems and not fully relying on God. Sin is about me thinking, deep down, that I know what's best, or that I have gotten the shaft in life and God is holding out on me. Sin is about my brokeness. 

This does have moral implications, but even the most moral person needs Jesus.

Jesus' love for me is so crazy because I do not deserve it at all. Even in my best days, I am riddled with sinful thoughts, and ways of living... I am drenched in sin.

But Jesus loves, totally and completely. His love is not conditional and like nothing we have experienced on this earth. It's infinitely better than the best parent's love for their child, and infinitely deeper than the best husband's love for his wife.

The closer I get to Jesus, the more I understand how deprived I am. The closer I get to Jesus the more I see how deep sin is rooted in my heart, how it's woven into the way I experience this life. The closer I get to Jesus the more I am set free from this because I realize I am powerless to change on my own, and he loves me anyway. 

Our effort is pretty pathetic. We really can't do much on our own, but the creator and sustainer of the world can do more than we can imagine. 

I have found that as I come to know God's love for me in the middle of my sin, I have been set free to love him and others more, and I find sin having a little bit less control over me. I don't find myself wanting to sin more in this new found freedom, but wanting to love more, wanting to be even closer to my Savior.

Sitting in my sin, asking God to help me see new depths of my sin, and opening it to God, not hiding or trying to change, but just opening it to God has had the most deeply impactful effect on my life. I find I actually can love others and myself more. I find that I actually crave spending time with God in prayer. I find that it seems I have discoverd an infinite sea of love that I can spend the rest of my life exploring and never come to know its width, or depth. 

Its so good, it's hard, painful, and sad at times, but so good. Freedom is mysterious, and perfect love something that's hard to imagine, but it's what God has for us in Jesus through the Spirit. Sin has no claim, but we will need our Savior every moment for the rest of eternity.

Peace.