Life apart from Jesus

Jesus: Apart from me, you can do nothing.

Me: Doubt that.

I would never really admit to this, but it's the way I act. 

Even in my approach to growing more and more like Jesus. I try to do it on my own... mostly because I want to be in control, I want to know what is going to happen next... I don't REALLY trust him with my entire life. 

This always leads to deep spiritual dryness and failure, a feeling that God is distant and I am alone. 

The fact is, I cannot do life WITH God, with Jesus on MY terms, I MUST ACTUALLY TRUST HIM... there is a structure to it, and there are disciplines that may help open me to transformation, but it is his job, HE is the only one that is able... 

But I will continue to try on my own, and continue to learn that it's silly, that it leads to failure, and then he will be lovingly waiting to pick me up, embrace me, and walk a little further with me. 

EVERY TIME.

Peace.