Coming out of hiding.

I've always liked hiding... loved it actually.

When I was really young I would hide from my mom while we were shopping... and the closer she got without seeing, and the more frightened she seemed, the more I would have to hold back laughter. (now my daughter does this and I see the cruelty in it!)

In jr high the kids on my street and I would have epic hide and seek nerf gun wars. 

Hiding has always been something that I enjoy. I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that someone is looking for me. That someone is desiring to find me. That someone is going to great lengths just to discover where I am.

Most of the time when whoever I was hiding from found me, they would smile and shout with joy and then the chase would be on and the game would just get more fun as we ran from each other laughing.

But, for most my life, I have also hidden from God.

Hiding from God has been our response to sin as humans from the beginning of sin. It's the first thing Adam and Eve did, and it's our first response now.

Even knowing that Jesus has washed me clean and that I have been redeemed in him, I still hide when I feel like I've really screwed up. Guilt and shame crawl up on my shoulder and start to whisper about how terrible what I just did is. They whisper how there is no way God wants to forgive me this time, and that I have misunderstood grace, that I  am holding onto cheap grace and I should be ashamed.

So I hide until I feel I have punished myself enough. Until I feel that I have spent enough time in isolation. Until the feelings of guilt and shame have faded.

What I don't realize is that God is waiting for me, God is searching for me (though he really knows where I am). That God is wanting me to come out and fall into his wonderful arms of love, and healing, and total acceptance. God's love does not waver in any way while I am sinning, while I am doing something I promised I wouldn't ever do again, while I walk away from him. God's love is the only truly constant thing in life. It never changes, especially because of something we have done... we just aren't that powerful. We cannot change God, he is infinitely more than we are.

God is not only happy when we come out of hidding, he celebrates. He celebrates because when we come out, especially when we feel the worst, when the sin or whatever we did is really terrible, he celebrates because now he can begin to heal us and restore us. As we hide and try to fix ourselves we only perpetuate the problem. We make it worse and the feelings of guilt and shame multiply and the next time it happens it's even more crushing. 

But as we step into the light, God begins to heal and remove. He loves us in the darkest parts of our life and heart right now, and as we come out of hiding we get to experience this. We get to experience his incredible love. A love deeper and wider and more vast than any ocean... but too often we only explore the shoreline if this infinite ocean of love, while we cling to trying to be moral on our own because that is what we think God wants. True inner morality is only available as we open to God, as we quit trying to be good for him and let him into those locked doors of our heart, as we cling to him in the midst of our depravity accepting that only he can bring life.

So I pray: Abba, help me to come of of hiding. Help me to accept the love you have for all of me, even the things I am ashamed of. Spirit please walk with me into the areas of my inner self that I have hidden, even from myself. Help me cling to you knowing you already know and have loved me perfectly since I was born. Help me forgive myself quickly because it's silly not to if you already have. I want to know you and love you more and am conviced that I must know and love myself more in order to do that.

My sweet Jesus...

Lately I have been noticing a very subtle change deep in my heart. 

For most my life I have been telling people about Jesus. I remember one time when I was about 7. I was on a camping trip with my family and became friends with a boy camping with his family next to us. I began talking to him about Jesus and made sure that I prayed the prayer with him before we left.

But, to be honest, my motives were WAY OFF. I'm not lying here. My Sunday school teacher had told me earlier in the week that we get a jewel in our crown in heaven every time we lead someone to Jesus... and I wanted a blinged out crown! That was my sole motivation.

The motivation changed over the years. As I grew up I learned that it was the "right" thing to do. So, when I was courageous enough, I would tell people about Jesus because that is what I was supposed to do.

Even while working as a youth pastor, most of my motivation had more to do with "doing the right thing" than with joyfully inviting someone to come along and discover something truly worth dying for.

Lately, and let me be clear, I did not make this change on my own, in fact, I'm kinda surprised by it, I have noticed that I believe with all my heart that following Jesus is the best way to be a human, and my motivation is that of someone who has stumbled upon something truly great and wants the world to see it.

The Spirit can do amazing things without us really knowing. The Spirit has been working deep, reorganizing my heart, purging, cleaning, stripping, and healing deep wounds. Most of the time I only come to realize this in hindsight, but I am overjoyed by it. It's truly been in letting go that God has begun to transform my inner being. 

Now, when I get to tell kids about Jesus at WyldLife, I am thrilled, and it's completely honest. I don't have to psych myself up. While I'm speaking I feel a deep sense if joy and pride in my savior, and I'm so happy to get to tell other people about him.

So, I encourage you to stop trying so hard to be good. Stop trying so hard to do the right thing and just let go and fall into the hands of the most completely loving Father. Let the Spirit move in the deep quiet places in your heart and don't run from the crap and "bad" feelings that might come up. Just allow the One who knows and loves you more than comprehendible to renew you from deep inside out.

Stop beating yourself up for your weaknesses and shortcomings. Jesus took care of that already, and he is waiting to truly live life with you. He knows you are weak. He knows you screw things up. He knows your fears, failures, and f-ups and loves you more than you will ever know.

There is true joy and freedom in him, it is good, not safe, not clean, not always like I thought it would be, but it's real and it's good and it's full of life and love.

Peace.

Full life.

I post/write a lot about Jesus, about God, and about my life trying to follow Jesus. I get that this might seem excessive to some, weird to others, it might seem like I'm bragging or trying to look super spiritual or something... but, at least most of the time, I just can't help it. The stuff I write about feels like if it doesn't come out... well, it's sort of like I feel as if I've stumbled on something incredible and to keep it to myself would be extremely selfish.

I believe that there is no life that comes close to the life that Jesus offers... I truly believe that true life is only found in following Jesus, and that it continually gets more true, and more full as it goes on.

Sometimes this feels wonderful, and sometimes it's incredibly painful... but when I get a break from it all, and Jesus gives me the gift of seeing my life how he sees it, it is truly beautiful.

God has given me gift after gift of faith, hope, and love. I, on my own, am none of these. I have very little faith, and tons of fear, I have very little hope, and tend to be rather pessimistic, and I am critical instead of being loving... but, of no strength of my own, God has truly begun to change some of this and foster transformation inside that I just can't keep to myself. 

Let me repeat this. I did not do this. I didn't read my bible for x amount of minutes every day, I didn't pray harder and longer, I didn't have a "quiet time" every day... I did try to do some of these, but I failed at any sort of discipline that I tried. Any true change that has occurred has been from God. I am weak, and he has let me see that, and he has become much stronger in my life as I have allowed myself to rest in my weakness instead of fighting to hide or overcome it.

So, I'm writing this just to encourage you to follow Jesus, and encourage you to stop beating yourself up with guilt, stop trying so hard to do what you think you have to do to be loved by God, and just start opening to him in your every day life, he is there waiting for you.

And if anyone is reading this that does not follow Jesus, I really hope you get a chance to meet him. Too often me and other Christians have done such a horrible job of representing him. I really pray that, at some point in your life, you get a chance to meet him and then make your decision, because he is truly lovely, and I can't imagine you would not be drawn to him.   

Peace.

God's affection...

Sometimes I think that God loves me because he has to, because he is God and the Bible says that God loves me.

I forget that God is God and can do whatever he wishes. I forget that God created life, time, air... basically everything I have ever touched or seen God created. He is not forced to love us. He is God and everything starts with him.

God loves us because that is who he is, because he wants to, because he created us to be the source of his affection.

I truly almost never think about God being affectionate towards me... honestly, that's probably some of the reason I find it so hard to spend time with him.

But look at so much of the language in the Bible used to create a picture of God's love for us: the love of a husband towards a wife, the love of a father for a son, the longing of a lover... these all include a great deal of affection.

God desires me. He longs to pour his affection over me. He longs to touch me, to hold me, to woo me. He wants to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, to tell me how deeply he knows me and how deeply he loves me. He wants to nourish me and protect me. He wants to hold me close and rest his head on mine, breathing true life into my soul.

If marriage reflects our relationship to God, and sexual intimacy is a part of marriage, then the intimate affection God isinviting us into is something I cannot imagine... and it's something that will feel wonderful, it's something that we are crying out for, it's the longing of our life that we try to suppress because it is so deep.

Do you believe this? Really? Emotionally and not just intellectually? While this is something I would say I believe, the truth is that I really don't. I want to, but if I did things would look differently. I would long to spend time with God. Prayer would be much less of a chore or something I easily push to the side for things that come up in life. I would love myself more and feel much less insecure. I would love others more because I would know that they are as cherished as I am by my lover. 

So I pray: Abba, my truest, deepest lover. My creator and my daddy, please help me open to your affection. Help me to know it like I know the touch of my wife. Help me to trust it like I trust that my heart will beat another beat. Help me know that you know me completely and love me completely, and help me let myself be drawn to you like I was to my wife when we were first married. With an insatiable desire that can only be fulfilled by you.

I invite you to look at the picture at the top of this post and imagine yourself as the baby (my daughter Hazel) and then imagine that God is the mom (my beautiful wife Candice). Imagine God resting his nose on your head, looking at you smiling with a deep deep sense of pride in you, his beloved son or daughter. Ask God, through the Spirit to make know to you his deep love and affection for you.

Peace.

What Young Life is really About

As of this week, WyldLife is in full swing in Lader Ranch. We had our first club this last Monday at Laser Quest, and our fourth campaigners meeting this morning.  It has been so great to get to know these kids, and we are meeting new kids at everything we do.

God is moving in Lader Ranch (but isn't he always moving everywhere) and it's really great to get to be a part of what he is doing.

This morning at campaigners we broke into small groups and talked about Jesus healing the paralyzed man and calling Levi, a tax collector, to be his disciple. As I thought about Jesus asking a tax collector, basically someone who knew about God but really was not interested in obeying him, I realized that this story really is a great picture of Young Life.

Jesus is the model for Young Life's ministry. In this story Jesus sees Levi collecting taxes and says, "Follow me." Levi, most likely someone hated by those who sought God, leaves everything and follows Jesus, eventually becoming one of the 12 disciples. What is crazy about this story is that after this happens, Jesus goes to a party at Levi's house. This party may have actually been a goodbye party thrown by his tax collector friends. The point here is that Jesus went to party with a bunch of tax collectors and "sinners!" 

This is Young Life. We go to where those kids that are not interested in Jesus, or going to church, or even being all that moral, hang out. We go to them where they are and we love them. We sit on the doorstep of these kids' lives and ask to be invited in, we don't force it, we wait for the invite, and we love regardless. 

So please, keep praying, keep supporting, and keep letting those you know who work with Young life know you appreciate what they are doing. It is such an honor to get to be a part of Jesus seeking these kids and inviting them into true life.

Reading the Bible isn't always time with God.

Most of the time when I talk to people about how much time they spend with God they immediately start talking to me about reading their Bible. They say things like, "I know I need to read my Bible more, but I just can't find the time." Or they might say, "I know I need to spend time with God, but I just fall asleep whenever I try to read the Bible." 

More often than not their answer has much more to do with reading or studying the Bible, or some devotional book than it does with just being with God.

Before I continue I need to make one thing clear. I cherish the Bible, and it is vitally important that disciples of Jesus read and know it, but it is not God, and it is possible to have a robust prayer life without spending the majority of your time reading the Bible... I would say that it is even possible to have a deep and very real relationship with Jesus without the Bible (think of other countries where most people can't read, or where an entire village has only one Bible)!

Over the past few months I have fallen out of my habit of spending time daily in silence and solitude with our loving Abba. This is partly due to my kids waking up way too early these days, and then partly because I just let it slide... and that's ok to an extent. I really think God is totally alright with our seasonal rhythms and knows our lives way better than we think. 

While I've stopped spending that time with God regularly, I have started reading the Bible instead.

It is easier to read the Bible than it is to spend 5, 10, 20 min in silence. It's easier to check it off a list and feel good about myself. It's easier to "get" something out of it. When I spend 20 min in silence, most of the time I don't feel like I get much from it at all, I even feel like I waisted that time sometimes... 

But, I am finding myself missing that time with Abba like crazy. Like I said, reading the Bible is incredibly important, but I don't think it is sufficient as the only way we come before God. Honestly, sometimes I have found that I can use the Bible to distract me from what God is calling me into. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes reading the Bible keeps me from being honest and open before my loving creator who knows me and loves me more than I will ever know.

Maybe your personality and silence and solitude just don't mesh. That's great, the method isn't the point. Silence, solitude, meditation, whatever, they are just means to being with God, they are not the goal. My point is that there is a whole other level to be experienced with God besides just reading the Bible or some other devotional book. There is a very real relationship to be had with the entire trinity that is waiting. The Bible is important, but it's not part of the trinity, and it is a means to come to know and love God more, but it is not the goal.

So I pray that you join me in asking God to show us where we can be with him in the middle of our lives now. Maybe you can find time and are into the idea of silence, then do that (but don't beat yourself up if you can't turn your brain off and you keep getting distracted, the time you are spending there is a gift to God, trust he is very happy with it), maybe it is taking walks alone with God, maybe it's something else entirely. There are numerous ways to pray, but I really encourage you to begin to think about spending time intentionally just being with God. No Bible, no other book, no sermon or podcast playing on your iPod... just you and God, that kind of time is never waisted, even (maybe even mostly) when you don't "feel" like you are "getting" anything out of it.

Peace.

Here we go!!

Next week we will be starting both campaigners AND club in Ladera Ranch.

After having a parent meeting, several leader meetings, and spending time praying about when to start, we feel like the time has come. 

This coming Monday at 7:15am, in the park connected to Ladera Ranch Middle School, we will be having our first campaigners meeting. This will be a time to eat doughnuts together, share about our lives together, and start exploring the book of Mark together. I pray that as we get to read through Mark, and learn more about Jesus, we will begin to see lives changed, relationships grow much deeper, and a solid core group of boys develope that are excited about living life with Jesus and with each other. My hope is that this group grows closer to each other, and closer to God through starting off the week together, learning about who Jesus is, and what it looks like to follow him.

Then, Friday night at 7:30, we will be starting the Ladera Ranch WyldLife club! The other leaders and I (Luke) are so excited about starting this adventure and cannot wait to see what God has in store. Next week we will be eating pizza, playing games, and learning a bit about who God really is and how he loves us all more than we could ever know.

So please be praying these next two weeks! We are so excited about this, but want to make sure we are giving it to God, and resting in the fact that he cares about the kids of Ladera more than we do, and even that he cares about us more than we care about ourselves... He is in control, and the glory is His... I'm just very thankful he has invited me into his mission in Ladera Ranch.