"He's right behind me, isn't he?"

We all know this feeling, and no matter if we are saying good or bad about the person, its awkward when we realize they are listening to us without us knowing it.

Rarely do we talk about someone the same way when we know they are listening, good or bad. Its like we watch what we say a bit more when we know they are present. Especially if we are being negative.

I talk about God pretty often, and lately I've been getting this same feeling when I'm talking about him.

I can't explain it very well, but its like I refer to him as a thing, or a belief, or something other than a person who is actually in the room participating in the conversation.

I know God is present all the time, with me everywhere I go, but I don't think I REALLY know it. I think my head believes it, and my heart may even believe it, but it's just not something that I'm always actually aware of. It's not something I am experientially aware of all the time.

God IS always present, always with us, always loving us, guiding us, holding us, teaching us, and inviting us into his presence... but I think I don't really know or expect that in everything I do, in every conversation I have, in every moment of every day.

I do expect to experience God during certan times, like prayer, or worship services, or small group Bible studies and such... but while I am taking the trash out, or washing dishes, or watching tv, or hanging out with friends just chit-chatting... I honestly don't expect him, I am not expectantly open to him in the same way.

But God is always present... always... and he is always inviting us into that experienced reality. Even when it doesn't feel like he is, or it doesn't feel like we want or expected it... He is always in the room with us.

One thing that has helped me open to this more is silent prayer. I'm not talking about praying silently while I'm talking a  in my head, I mean sitting and trying to be still with my loving Father for a certain amount of time.

This is hard, and my body and brain fight back when I try to do this, but that's ok. As frustrating as it may be, it's a time I give to te LORD, and even when I feel like I was fighting off the temptation to daydream or think about other things the whole time, it's never a waste.

If you have never tried this, or tried it but the frustration of a million thoughts racing through your head while doing this has kept you from continuing, then maybe just try this.

For 5 minutes (just to start, you can do it for longer if you so desire) find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably. If you can't find a quite place, listen to some ambient noise with headphones. Then before starting your time, offer the time to God. Ask him to help you open to  him, not to gain anything other than being with him. Offer the time as a sacrificial gift, something for him to do with as he wants. Then sit, close your eyes, and if it helps say something like "Abba, I belong to you" or "I believe, help my unbelief" or "not my will but yours be done" when thoughts come racing in. Just let those thoughts race out the same way they raced in. Set a timer, and when the time is over, thank God for being present, and I'll normally end the time with the LORD's prayer.

Don't expect anything overwhelming to happen from this, my experience has been that God whispers during these times, and that I often don't even hear it... but as I have kept up with it, I have noticed that I notice God much much more throughout the day, at times when I don't really expect to. I have noticed that this discipline has put my heart in a posture to be more open to him in all that I do.

Also, if this is really hard for you, and your are feeling like you can't stop your brain from racing during these times. Be gentle with yourself, don't beat yourself up, God isn't disappointed with you, you shouldn't be either. Just keep at it, be honest with God about your frustrations, even if you are pissed off that he seems to just hang back and not step in to help. Express that to him, he knows you completely, so he already knows that's how you feel, but he wants you to be honest with him. He wants all of you. 

As hard and frustrating and lonely as these times may be, God is happy you are giving them to him... and that is all the reason to do it.

If you have any questions, or experiences with this kind of prayer, positive or negative, I'd love to hear them.

Remember, God is always in the room, always loving, always inviting you deeper into his presence... even when it feels he is totally absent.

Peace.

Young Life.

In case you didn't know what Young Life is all about, I thought I would share some info on it. Young Life is a really wonderful ministry, and I am very proud to be on full-time staff.

Young Life starts with concerned adults who spend time building bridges of authentic friendship with teens — where they are, as they are. Because their leaders believe in them unconditionally, teenagers begin to see that their lives have great worth, meaning and purpose. Young Life offers teens adventure, hospitality and unconditional friendship.

Young Life staff and leaders build relationships with teenagers, inviting them to various activities, meetings called "club" and camp. Here teens can be themselves, have fun and consider some of life's biggest questions like, "How can we best live our lives?" and, "Why are we here?" For those wanting to explore the spiritual dimensions of their lives more deeply, we offer small group gatherings that allow students to more fully investigate the teaching and life of Jesus of Nazareth. Young Life staff and leaders work alongside families; furthermore they're supported by, and seek to connect teens to, established churches and other ministries in the communities and countries where Young Life is active.

Our Vision:
Every adolescent will have the opportunity to meet Jesus Christ and follow Him.

Our Mission:
Introducing adolescents to Jesus Christ and helping them grow in their faith.

We accomplish our mission by ...
1. Praying for young people.
2. Going where kids are.
3. Building personal relationships with them.
4. Winning the right to be heard.
5. Providing experiences that are fun, adventurous and life-changing.
6. Sharing our lives and the Good News of Jesus Christ with adolescents.
7. Inviting them to personally respond to this Good News.
8. Loving them regardless of their response.
9. Nurturing kids so they might grow in their love for Christ and the knowledge of God's Word and become people who can share their faith with others. 

10. Helping young people develop the skills, assets and attitudes to reach their full God-given potential.
11. Encouraging kids to live connected to the Body of Christ by being an active member of a local congregation. 

12. Working with a team of like-minded individuals -- volunteer leaders, committee members, donors and staff. 

Our Values:
1. Living according to and communicating the whole Gospel of Jesus Christ.
2. Carrying out our mission under the authority of Scripture and relying on the Holy Spirit to empower our ministry. 

3. Encouraging the welfare and spiritual health of those who do this ministry, that they may minister out of a consistent and growing relationship with Christ and His followers. 

4. Researching and developing innovative approaches to reaching uncommitted, disinterested kids around the world. 

5. Reaching adolescents of all social, cultural, economic and ethnic backgrounds throughout the world.
6. Working with followers of Christ from a variety of traditions and local churches around the world.
7. Welcoming all those whom God calls to our mission -- men and women of all races, staff and volunteers -- who are linked to a common purpose of introducing adolescents to Jesus Christ. 

8. Observing the highest standards of stewardship of all the resources placed in our trust.

Our approach is relational. We go where kids are in order to build friendships with them and earn the right to make a positive impact on their lives. We want them to know that they are loved and valued.

We believe that all kids have the right to know about God, to hear the truth about Jesus Christ and who He said He was. Young Life leaders communicate that truth in casual conversation, at weekly club meetings and through our camping program.

Eighty-three percent of any gifts you make to Young Life stay right in the local area to support the ministry to kids there. The other 17 percent, known as the service charge, is sent to the Young Life Service Center and to the area’s corresponding regional office to fund technical and administrative services that serve local areas.

Why we need support

"Asking for money is super fun!' said no one, ever.

I am going on Young Life staff. That will be my job, and, LORD willing, it will be for years to come. The thing I did not really think about much before now about actually having YL be my full-time job is that I have to raise my own paycheck... every paycheck.

Asking someone to give you money is hard. Honestly, I would rather not do it. 

I knew that God had called me into youth ministry, and I always assumed it would be my full-time job at some point... but I thought it would include a "secure" paycheck. Don't get me wrong, I never thought we would have loads of money, or even very much of it, but I thought we would be able to sit back and collect a paycheck from a church or organization and not have to worry about raising that money ourselves.

This had always been the catch with working for Young Life. Working with kids, showing them that Jesus loves them is challenging enough, but then having to raise your salary on top of that... no thanks.

But here we are, after walking away from Young Life 6 years ago, and things have changed. 

First, I don't really think I am asking people to give me money so that I can slack off, maybe hang out with a few kids, and live a plush easy life. Asking for money is tough, its not a cake job having to raise your own support... and youth ministry, while incredibly rewarding, can be really stinking rough at times. I love kids, and I completely enjoy getting to walk through life with them, showing them Jesus' love, but there are times when I would just rather be getting paid somewhere I could clock in and out of.

Second, and this may seem like manipulation (frick, honestly, this whole post may seem like manipulation on some level), I am not just asking people to pay my salary, I'm asking people to invest in the Kingdom. I'm asking you to invest in the work God is doing through me, through Young Life, and through the partnerships we will make. Kids will come to know Jesus through this, and you have an opportunity to be a part of that, without ever having to play a messy game, or try to get a bunch of middle schoolers to listen to you give a talk.

Third, I am convinced that this is where God is leading me, and even if people say "no," over and over, I know God will provide. I am not the one that is going to raise the money, God will, and he already has it set aside. If this is God's plan, what is money to stand in the way. As long as I am diligent in doing my part (asking people for money) he will provide. 

Fourth, this will be such a learning, stretching, growing, and humbling experience that I might be thankful for this part of it in the end. Fundraising like this is going to bring some of my weaknesses right up to the surface, and then those weaknesses will hang out and have a party with some of my fears and insecurities... and I will have a chance to walk with God right into the middle of all that, then watch as he takes them all away. The only way to really defeat fear is to walk right into it.

Fifth, and this is the last one, I am looking forward to the relationships that will come from this. I'm not the best at staying in touch with people. Its a GIANT character flaw, and I really wish I was better at it. I'm really hoping that this process will rekindle some old friendships that I miss dearly, ignite some new ones, and introduce me to some fellow followers of Jesus I may not know yet. 

So yeah, I'm not looking forward to raising money, to asking people to give me their cash... but I am excited to see what it brings, and excited to get to invite people into what God is doing. 

So if you would like to be a part of what God is doing in kids lives through me and my family, then please click here. Your gift will not just benefit me and my family, but may be directly responsible for bringing a kid in touch with the love of Christ. 

Peace.

How the "SH" word helped me open to Christ

"It tastes like sh_t."

Hearing this come out of my Young Life leader's mouth changed my life. I will never forget it, though I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember it at all.

It was the first time I realized that you could be totally in love with Jesus and be yourself too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that loving Jesus and growing in that love won't change your life in a way that has moral implications. I'm saying that up until that point I thought I had to try to be someone different than I was on the inside... I basically thought I had to just try to be a different "better" person, that I had to fake it till it became reality.

When I heard this guy use the "sh" word so flippantly, like nothing happened, I felt like Jesus was inviting me into a new life of love and acceptance. Like he was saying loving him was enough, he could take care of the rest.

It was freeing, enough that I remember it 16 years later.

Jesus invites us to be ourselves. He invites us into his love for us as we are, not as we should be, or as we've been told we should be, or as we think we should be. He loves us totally and completely now, as we are.

It would do us good to live in that reality more, it's through living in that love, and knowing that love, that we will actually begin to become more like him.

So thank you Joe Bahr, Jesus spoke through you that day and I have not forgotten it.

Because He first loved us...

Jesus loved us FIRST. 

Before we knew him, before we "asked him to come into our hearts," before we did anything for him, HE FIRST LOVED US. 

There are huge implications in this. 

This is first love. It's not tied at all to anything we do, anything we don't do, or anything we should do. We cannot shake this first love, we cannot escape it. All other love we receive in life is, at some level, conditional. The love we get from parents, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, and everyone else has conditions built into it... there are things we can do to diminish those loves... 

BUT NOT WITH JESUS. HE LOVED US FIRST. 

Lord God, make this a known and lived in reality for me. Make this my identity.

Abba's presence.

LORD, Abba, help me to open to your always present presence. Help me to open to you and connect with what you are doing in and around me. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear... and an open heart and mind. You are always active, always loving, always relating to me, help me be more and more attentive to that.

"Jesus is right here."

A conversation with Hazel (my 4 year old) a few mornings ago:

Haze: Daddy, what were you doing down here?

Me: Praying.

Haze: To God, to Jesus?

Me: Yes.

Haze: Jesus is right here (pointing to the empty spot next to her on the chair)... but I can't see him (said with a bit of disappointment).

Me: I know honey, but we will see him soon (said with a tear brewing as I connect with the longing in my heart to see him, smell him, touch him, and embrace him physically).

Honestly, I often think and relate to Jesus, the Spirit, and God as if they are ideas, abstract ideas that are more like beliefs than personalities to be related to. Trying to explain that Jesus is always actually present to a four year old makes me look inside at my own ACTUAL beliefs... if I really believe he is always present with me, why do I so often act like it's really just a theory, or a nice sentimental thought?

LORD, Abba, help me to open to your always present presence. Help me to open to you and connect with what you are doing in and around me. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear... and an open heart and mind. You are always active, always loving, always relating to me, help me be more and more attentive to that.