False Vulnerability.

One thing I hear aboutyself a lot is how vulnerable and transparent I am. I'm not (at least mostly not) trying to toot my own horn here, but it's something I have tried to be. Transparent. Vulnerable.

But if I'm totally honest, I think I live my life more like this picture.

I may appear to be transparent and vulnerable... but in reality I'm not.

I may share a ton, and I may really even be quite transparent... but I'm not so willing to let you touch me, to let you into my bubble, or even to really come out and let you embrace me.

More than I am WITH people, I think I am next to people.

I have a fear, buried so deep that I truly didn't know it was there until recently, of being hurt by others. I am afraid of being dependent and looking weak. It's a normal fear, but I do a really good job of hiding it at times, even from myself.

I wonder how deep this goes, and to what extent I relate to God in this manner. 

The way we relate to others is a good glimpse into how we relate to God. It may not feel the same, and it may be much more subtle, but we relate in a certain way and it has implications throughout all our relationships.

I want to be more truly vulnerable. I want to open up to others, let them touch me instead of just looking through my transparent bubble of false vulnerability. I want to step out into community... I want to step out into God's loving embrace through other people.

Lord God, please guide me into true humility, and vulnerability. Help me to trust you and not my bubble. Help me put myself out there for others to hold and love and nurture. Abba, you love me, and you want good for me. Help me believe this to the core of my being. I want to be WITH you, I want to be WITH others, please help me open to that more.