Truth is, the life I normally struggle to keep is comfortable, safe-ish, and generally something I can either control or just predict.
This is one of the reasons why I don't really believe that the invitation to loose my life is really a good thing at all.
I want MY life, the life I, with my 33 years of wisdom, have decided would be best for me. I want comfort, some adventure but not too much, security, and while I enjoy taking risks, I want to know that they will be risks I have decided to take.
Loose my life to gain real life? What does that even mean?
Truth is, for for most of my life at least, I just haven't believed what Jesus said in John 10:10 (which has ironically been one of my favorite verses my whole life).
Jesus says: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10 ESV)
If this is true, then when Jesus says things like, "Pick up your cross," and "if you want to really live life you must loose it," he isn't demanding these awful sacrifices I have come to see them as... they are invitations into real, true, good life!
Seriously.
This is not sentimental Hallmark card stuff, it's the author of life telling us how to live a real life.
Most of us will sing songs on Sunday mornings about how good God is, but we don't really believe that. We sentimentally believe it, but we don't live in a way that suggests we believe the author of life is good, loves us more than we could imagine, and is more powerful than we could dream. We live like we must try to control our lives, fight to keep what we have, strategize to keep on the path we want to be on, and ultimately trust no one but ourselves.
But God IS good, he IS love, and he IS powerful.
We can live in that truth. It's ok to doubt it, but if we go to him in surrender, even if it's more like a test, he will prove he is good, it may just be completely different than we thought it should be... and it may take longer than a couple days, or weeks, or even years... it might be that after several years of life feeling totally out of control, we look back and see that God had been working to love us, to show us how good he really is, and to bring us into a deeper knowing and trusting of him the whole time.
I speak from experience.
Several years ago my life started to unravel, and it now looks nothing like I planned... BUT IT IS SO GOOD. Not in an outward way. I don't have lots of stuff, money, and for sure we don't often feel "secure", but I know Abba now more than I did before. I KNOW he loves me and wants me. I know he can provide, even when it doesn't make sense...
I am beginning to see that Jesus was really being loving and practicle when he said, "If you want life you must loose it."
The life we want is a shadow compared to the life God, the Creator of the universe, the Author of life, has for us.
So, as backwards as it seems, you can hand your life over, the one you will get in return is truly much better.
Peace.
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