God's love

This picture is powerful. 

It's a picture of the pope embracing a horribly disfigured man. The pope held this man and then kissed him.

It hits on something deep within my heart.

While I talk a lot about the unceasing, always pursuing, complete and perfect love of God for us as we are, not as we "should" be... it's not something I always actually believe... it's not something I'm always able to open to... it's not always the thing that my identity is found in.

There are times of moral failure, times of depression, times of anger and frustration, and just times of doubt where I just can't believe that God could love someone like me... 

Or maybe I believe he loves me, but only because he is God and he is love, not because he chooses to, not because he wants to love me as I am right now.

Especially after failing in habitual sins... over and over... it's just hard to think there is still a place for me at Abba's chest. It's hard to think he is still longing to hold me and kiss me and look me in the eyes while he tells me how much he loves me.

In those times I feel so dirty, so damaged and deformed... so ugly... that I just want to cover up, make myself presentable through hours of wallowing in guilt and shame, and then go back to Papa when I feel like I'm all cleaned up.

This picture reminds me that I can come to God as I am, always, and his response is love, always. It's the same after a time I've spent hours serving, or worshiping,  or at church as it is after I've looked at porn, or treated my wonderful wife poorly, or just been more selfish than I thought possible... God's love is.

So I pray that I am able, more and more, little by little, to be with Abba as I am, however I am, and let his love wash over me.

It's only through his Spirit, and accepting his very real and very powerful love for me that transformation will begin to take root deep in the center of my being.

Peace.